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loving you was worth the heartbreak

I don’t know why, even after all that happened, I can’t bring myself to hate you.

They say that the best way to mend a broken heart is to forget the person and let go of all the memories. I beg to disagree. Why would I do that? After all, those are the things that will constantly remind me of the reasons why I liked you. Yes, it will make me miss you more but it will also fend off the bad thoughts in my head that could ruin you in my eyes.

I’m not the kind of girl that will hold hatred in her heart. I’d rather embrace all the pain till I get better than fool myself and everyone else that I’ve already moved on if I really haven’t. Love isn’t love if you don’t know how to understand and respect the other person even after your story has ended.

Remember the first time we talked, out of the blue? And how that led to a conversation on Facebook? And we exchanged numbers? It was a simple beginning, yet it mattered. It was enough to spark something special. How about that annoying instance when you kept on pestering me with ‘What does the fox say’ and making it up to me by singing a few sweet songs? Funny but really sweet. Can you recall all those nights we spent talking about our exes, making fun out of it and engaging in heated debates about love wherein you never won a single discussion? It was thought-provoking, but nevertheless inspiring. Think about that amusing time when you drunk-texted me with your hilarious thoughts about us. Comical but genuine. And finally, do you still remember that moment when you told me that from a mysterious stranger I became your special friend, your soul mate with whom you wanted to laugh, who you wanted to talk to if things go wrong as they sometimes will. We were almost quite impossible, but we made it.

It all seems so simple, but it was definitely enough for me to value you as a special person in my life, too. You don’t have to question my feelings over and over again because you know the answer. You knew it. It’s just that today, we’re not on the same boat anymore, and that’s why it bothers you now. You recognize that special feeling because you also have it. You had it.

I perfectly understand you and your reasons. Perhaps time isn’t really on our side and maybe, just maybe, I didn’t really have an impact on your everyday life like how you were able to affect mine. But I’m thankful that, even for a while, I became a part of your routine.

If you said that you’ll go back after giving some time for yourself, then fine. All I could do now is to have faith in you and I’m refusing to believe the negative signs that I am seeing. I know in my heart that you’re worth my trust. You are worth the pain.

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