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when to let someone go

Giving up. Admitting defeat. Humans are predisposed to always keep trying. It is bred into us from the very minute we are born to never give up; always try again and again and again. Hold on. Don’t let a good thing go. Try harder this time. Don’t stop; don’t give up. Only losers let themselves fail. Winners keep holding on, until they can’t anymore. This is a deep-rooted societal problem.

And here’s why: if you let yourself hold on until you’re slumped over, defeated, weak at the knees; you’re not really living anymore. We shouldn’t have to live in a state of defeat, we should live as much as we are happy and keep ourselves happy. Otherwise what really are we doing living this life?

This value we have of always holding on is why sometimes we have people in our lives that add nothing and only take away from our ability to live fully. This is why we keep texting that boy even though he never says hello in the daytime. This is why we keep getting lunch with that friend even though she talks about herself the entire meal. This is why we go back to our significant other even though we know they’re not worth it.

How should we know when to admit defeat and let someone leave our life? It’s an incredibly valuable thing to learn because it means we know how to keep ourselves happy and value our own well being over not being alone. Some people should not be in our lives. Period. They add more negative memories than positive, or make more of your experiences sad than they make happy. And you must let these people go. They will continue to be a bane in your life unless you are able to recognize that they are unhealthy.

And here’s how you know:

  1. When that cute boy only texts you past 12 and never says hello in class
  2. When that girl you get lunch with devalues all your stories and one-ups everything you say
  3. When they teach you nothing
  4. When you can teach them nothing
  5. When they make you feel more dead than alive
  6. When they don’t push you to the brink of scariness; or they do but they won’t be there when you fall
  7. When that girl you met only says hi to you if she or you are around certain people
  8. When you feel a deep sadness at the bottom of your stomach after hanging out with them and you don’t know why
  9. When the only time you have fun with him is if you are making fun of others
  10. When you’re happy because they invite you out but then they ignore you all night
  11. When you go to a party with her but she promptly leaves you the minute you walk through the door
  12. When you only hang out with them because you don’t want to be alone
  13. But really, you know you’d be much happier alone.

Let them go. Give up on them; they won’t change anytime soon. Because life is about enjoying life. Only be with people who you enjoy, who make you feel good and happy and loved. Because you are valuable and you deserve to be valued. Recognize these people and let them go; don’t hang onto those who aren’t worthy of you.

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